I believe I have finally found the answer to the most pondered over topic in the world, Masturbation. Why do guys do it? Why don't girls? (so they say) The answer is simple I believe, everyone masturbates for a reason, to reach a climax, otherwise people who just masturbate to masturbate are sick and wrong, but anyway, it doesn't take long for a guy to erupt, at max. like 15 minutes. Now for girls, unless they're really excited, it takes them a quite bit longer, and if they've never taken the time to do it, they'll never knoe how good it can feel to have an orgasm, so without that incentive they have no reason. And there my friends, is the reason why I think guys do, and girls don’t. A good old fashioned quote, "sex can wait, masturbate."

Justice, True Justice. (I made is sound kind of scientific-y)
Any punishment shall be justified upon the severity of that crime. Every crime is different and so shall be the punishment. Throughout time if any such crimes are decided to be exact, then the punishment shall also concur no matter the stature of the accused or the accusers.

Charity
heh forget that! People can just as easily take our money as they can GET A JOB. If they can't get a job because they're mentally challenged or something how the hell are they helping anybody? They're just wasting our money and taking up our over-crowded space.

Abortion
I’m pro-abortion, our world is already way too over-populated. We’re past the 6 billion mark, isn’t that more than enough? People are dying from starvation and many are homeless but what do we keep on doing? Bring more people into this world and these awful conditions. I’m so sick and tired of "Oh its wrong, ‘it's a child, not a choice.’" Big deal, so you kill a living thing that doesn't even know or comprehend any part of its existence. A reason to be anti- is that for teenagers who get pregnant, now don't get me wrong, I hate those little shits for making teenagers seem so stupid, I'd hurt them myself, I mean really, they just can't wait another week? Well that's a different story and I want to stay on track, so a teenager become pregnant and wants an abortion but people don't want her to because they want her to learn from her mistakes. I think she should learn from her mistakes, but not at the risk of another person's life. I’ve also heard that they feel pain when they die. How could the possibly feel a thing when they die? They’re not very developed when they’re terminated, and even if they were they don't even have a memory and they won’t remember this "tremendous pain."Another point of this would be "If we don't let them live we don’t know how they'll turn out. They could be the next Albert Einstein, or Mozart, or Jesus fucking Christ, but then who’s to say they won’t turn out to be the next Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, or Fidel Castro? If we don’t know what we’re missing out on, who’s to say we are missing out? What about people who having major physical and/or mental problems? What good are they? They certainly aren’t "living." They’re hardly conscious of their environment and the people around them who are trying to help them. Why should they live, why would they even want to live? Quite frankly, an abortion for any reason, is a good reason. The only thing I can think of that makes sense and is anti-abortion is: "Kill it before it’s illegal." (Abortion is legal, killing someone out of the womb is not.)

Knowledge
Knowledge is the most important thing in the Universe and without it what can you accomplish? If you're not intelligent or don't want to aspire to having some level of intelligence, you’re helping in no way and make everyone else be ashamed to be a human-being, so wise up and try to learn something new and don’t be a waste help us become better people.

Music
I see having respect for music is the ultimate thing. I'm a metal fan and I have a great deal of respect for that for one reason, they play their instruments, and they're actually instruments, they have to learn plenty of notes, riffs, and who else knows what. I even have respect for country music because they play that shit the right way. They take the time to write and compile their music, they sing and play their music, unlike this shit we have when pop stars just "sing" and they get professional people to make the music and then they don’t even have the decency to credit the real musicians! They're fucking posers. Rap is the least thing I have respect for, the only thing that is real in their music is the bass drum and half the time not even that. The rest is just them "singing" the word nigger and some fag on one of those record-twisty things. The second most pure music is an orchestra as long as there's no electricity, but the purest of music is tribal music with just drums beating that is what i see as the best music.

"god"
ha! The belief in some "god" that's the biggest crock of shit I've ever heard. Out of our entire universe, hundreds of thousands of galaxies, trillions of stars, and some dumbass had the guts to say that some "greater power" created it all. No fucking way! "god" is just an answer to the questions we don't have answers for, yet. If you want something to believe in, believe in yourself. Also, what of this hell thing, why the fuck is "god" everywhere in the universe and why is the devil living in our earth's core? Why are devoted priests celibate, if "god" wants everyone to be like the priests with no external thoughts except about "god" our race would die, no sex: no more people. It seems to me that the devil would make a more worthy god -indulgence instead of abstinence- and in every single futuristic movie, how come "god" isn't mentioned once? Maybe we wised up. And aliens, out of our vast universe you're telling me there's not one tiny speck of germs out there, now a germ is a life-force, if we didn’t put it there, it’s nothing of this world and hence an alien. Now if we do find aliens, or they find us, I’m inclined to think that they won’t believe in a "god." Why are there so many religions? If there's one "god" shouldn’t there's one correct way to worship him, and if everyone loves him why were there so many wars just about some imaginary thing? Religion doesn't unite it destroys. So do the right thing and believe in yourself not some "god."

"So what's your cup size?"
-"Oh you know it, double D" (sarcasm)
"No, no, no, no, your CHEST size not your ASS size."

Why run when you can walk?
Why walk when you can stand?
Why stand when you can sit?
Why sit when you can lie down?
Why stay awake when you can fall asleep?
Those who sleep the day away, live to sleep another day.

Boy you're sure a sight for sore eyes.
-Too bad my eyes aren't sore.

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man, as well as an animal lover, pulls over, gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, it’s dead. He feels so bad that he begins to cry. A woman driving on the highway, sees a man crying, pulls over and asks him what's wrong.
"I feel terrible, I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."
-"Don't worry", she says.
She runs over to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks back over to the limp, dead rabbit and sprays the contents on the animal. The rabbit jumps up waves it paw at the two of them and hops a few feet off down the road, stops turns around and waves again. He hops off a few more feet, turns around, and waves again. It did so until completely out of sight. The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands to know what's in the can. She hands him the can to read,
Hair Spray: Restores life to dead hair and adds permanent wave.

Wiggle your index finger in that "come-over-here" fashion, when she arrives say:
"I knew you'd come if I’d finger you."

"I don't like you anymore. I raised my standards just a little bit, now I like the chicks on the street."

"I’m just kidding, I love you, I’m down with the fat chicks."

Lick your finger and rub it on someone's shoulder.
"we should head back to my place"
-"why?"
"to get you out of those wet clothes."

The Mood Ruiner
Say you’re making-out and she asks,
"Something building up in you pants?"
-"yeah, a fart."
(I'm so so soo soooooo sorry, I have no idea why I still have this on
here, it's not even funny lol (well maybe just a little bit, hehe) sorry!)

Sincerity
"I just want you to know that we are friends and I'm here for you and if you ever feel bad about yourself, like you feel ugly or fat or just unwanted or unattractive, I want you to know, I'd watch you in a porno any day."

Let’s say some girl's about to blow a guy, she really doesn’t want to but they're in love and everybody knows sometimes sacrifices happen. So she gets down on her knees, looks at it, looks back at his face, she takes her hand and pinches her nose closed and dives in. (maybe you'll have read that again before you get it)

You try to lift a girl up but you can't (so you claim)
"boy, can't do it, something must be weighing you down, -I think its your bra."

"Nice shirt."
-"Thanks, I stole it off a good-looking guy."

Your belly-button's undone.

"Boy I'm tired."
-"Well you should start sleeping around more."

The following are very consistent and conclusive pieces of evidence proving that without a doubt, Santa and the Devil are one.

1. If you carefully look at the word SANTA, you'll notice the similarities among the letters of his name with the Devil's. By moving the N in the middle of santa to the end of santa, what do you get?SANTA
   SATAN
2. Now look at how many reindeer this "jolly old man" has, eight: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen. Oh yes but let's not forget Adolf, I'm mean Rudolph. That’s a grand total of 9 reindeer. Now, how many gates of hell are there?
3. Now as we all know through movies and stories that the Devil enjoys the body and what pleasures you can get from it. Have you ever noticed that everywhere Santa goes, he is always quoted as saying, "Ho(e), Ho(e), Ho(e)."
4. Now for the final (weaker) piece of evidence, proving mathematically, that Santa is the devil: if you take the number of Santa's reindeer, 9, and multiply it by the amount of lives he leads (Santa and the Devil) which is 2, you get the product of 18. Now let me ask you, how many 6's are in the number 18? Well let's count:   6 + 6 + 6.

One day this elderly man goes to his doctor for a physical. The doctor gives him a jar and asks him to come back a one week with a sample of his semen. Well one week goes by and the elderly man comes back and the jar is empty. The doctor notices and says,
"There's nothing in here."
-"Yeah, I know."
"Well why not?"
-"Well first I tried it with my right hand then, I tried it with my left hand. When that didn't work I asked my wife to help. So she tried it with her right hand, then she tried it with her left hand, she even tried it with her mouth but it still didn't work. So we went over to our neighbors..."
"Neighbors!?"
-"Yeah, our neighbors, well they tried it with their right hand, and then they tried it with their left hand but none of us could get the lid off the jar!"

The Concept of Dating
Dinner, a little dancing, maybe a goodnight kiss...
and repeat the process till I have an orgasm.